A Good Wife Is a Blessing

The Tamil saint has given a lot of importance to the virtues of women in the family. It is not that the virtues and character of men are not important. They are equally important and very much essential. But in the section of Thirukkural pertaining to the role of the wife in the family, he highlights many of the virtues of women.

The saint says, a man may have everything, but if the wife doesn’t follow the culture and tradition of the family, then family life is meaningless. It is empty. It is the role of the wife that tradition and culture are maintained and continued in the family. She is the one who has to enforce it. The culture and tradition are not uniform and homogeneous across Bharata. Each community has its own traditions and culture. Each region has its own. They have been there for thousands of years.

In one rat race to show that we have a modern outlook, there was a time I have heard people saying, ‘We are westernized, our family is westernized.’ I think we have come out of this madness now, to a large extent. A lot of people have started recognizing the values of our tradition and culture, the latest one being Namaste instead of shaking hands. Our culture has always restricted unwanted physical touch between people. Now we realize this. With the Corona pandemic, the whole world has embraced social distancing. Moreover, Namaste is a sign of humility. ‘Namaha’ means ‘Nati’—humility—I bow before you. Bow before whom? Before the Paramatma, the divinity that is present in the other person’s body, the divinity that is present everywhere. This is the concept behind Namaste.

Many such traditions exist. Washing hands, feet, and face when you come home from outside—isn’t this what doctors are saying now after Corona hit? Western culture is to walk into the house with the same shoes that you wore outside.

These traditions and cultures are very important. You used to rarely find a Tamil woman without a jasmine gajra or garland in her hair. Do you need artificial perfume when you have this? Or a body spray that is allergic to many people? They are chemicals—what harm they can cause to the skin and respiratory system, only God knows. I am not saying there are no superstitions. Tradition could have superstitions as well. Weed them out—that is what an intelligent society should do. But don’t start mimicking another culture.

Saint Thiruvalluvar says that the wife should spend within the means of the husband. She should be the head of finance at home. The husband should trust her with this. Budgeting, planning, and spending should all be under the control and supervision of the wife. This is how it used to be. Young girls should be trained for this. They should know how much money is coming into the family, how it should be spent wisely, and how to save so that she can execute this function well when she has a family of her own, where she is in command.

Thiruvalluvar says, if a man has a virtuous wife, then he has everything in the world. If the wife doesn’t have qualities, no matter what possessions he has, he is worthless—he is a pauper. A virtuous woman—even the rain will fall at her command. A chaste and virtuous woman who observes the vow of Pativratya—even the rain is at her command. The same applies to the husband. We know Eka Patni Vrata was one of the biggest strengths of Lord Rama.

The reputation of the family is in the hands of the woman—the women of the family. If the wife is pure and virtuous, the man can face any situation in life; like a lion, he will stride. A good wife is a blessing for the home, which someone will get through the punya of many, many births.

Ramaswamy Sastry and Vighnesh Ghanapaathi