Temporary Needs, Lasting Bonds: The Wisdom of Honoring Relationships

कार्यार्थी भजते लोकं यावत् कार्यं न सिद्ध्यति ।

उत्तीर्णे च परे पारे नौकायाः किं प्रयोजनम् ?

A person uses others only until the work is done. Once the goal is achieved, what is the need for a boat that has already helped you cross the river?

In a bustling corporate office, two young employees, Rohan and Amit, joined as interns in the same department. Both were equally skilled and ambitious, eager to climb the corporate ladder. While their professional journeys started together, a key difference in their approach to relationships and gratitude led them down very different paths.

Rohan: The Grateful Colleague

Rohan believed in acknowledging the help and guidance he received. Early on, he approached his mentor, Mr. Sharma, with a request for project assistance. Mr. Sharma, a senior manager, offered him some tips and helped him refine his work. Each time Rohan received guidance, he sincerely thanked Mr. Sharma and applied his advice diligently. Rohan’s attitude extended beyond his mentor; he appreciated team members, support staff, and even those who worked in different departments.

Over time, Rohan’s reputation for respect and gratitude spread through the office. When he applied for a full-time role, Mr. Sharma recommended him enthusiastically, and several colleagues vouched for him. Within a few years, Rohan had advanced through several promotions. His attitude had fostered a network of supportive colleagues who valued his integrity and were happy to assist him whenever he needed it.

Amit: The Opportunistic Climber

Amit, on the other hand, focused solely on his goals. He viewed his mentors and colleagues as stepping stones, seeking their help without acknowledgment. When Mr. Sharma provided him with guidance, Amit accepted it but did not express appreciation or stay connected afterward. He treated each project as a task to complete independently, often claiming full credit without recognizing the contributions of others.

Amit’s approach initially helped him appear efficient and self-sufficient, but people noticed his lack of gratitude. When he applied for a higher role, no one came forward to support his application. Mr. Sharma, who noticed Amit’s attitude over time, felt less inclined to recommend him. Eventually, Amit’s career growth stalled, as he lacked a network of supportive peers and mentors who trusted him.

The Outcome

While Rohan continued to progress, respected and well-regarded by his colleagues, Amit found himself stuck in the same role. The difference lay not in skill or ambition but in the impact their attitudes had on others. Rohan’s gratitude created lasting bonds and a trustworthy reputation, while Amit’s disregard left him isolated.

1. The Nature of Self-Interest

In life, self-interest drives many of our interactions. We often approach people with specific intentions, consciously or unconsciously viewing them as means to our goals. This tendency is natural in human behavior, as people instinctively prioritize their needs. Yet, this approach sometimes leads to a cycle of fleeting connections and shallow engagements. Understanding this can help us examine how our goals shape our relationships with others and impact our intentions.

2. Temporary Relationships and Utility

Temporary relationships are built on utility; they exist solely for a purpose and often end when that purpose is fulfilled. Such relationships can be found in the workplace, where people form professional alliances to meet a common objective. Once the objective is complete, these alliances often dissolve. While these connections may seem practical, they lack the depth of relationships based on mutual respect and understanding, making them fragile and transactional.

3. Value of Gratitude

Gratitude is a vital trait that strengthens our bonds and shows respect for others. When people help us achieve something, acknowledging their contribution is essential. Failing to do so reflects poorly on our character and diminishes the quality of the bond we shared. Gratitude helps sustain relationships beyond the limits of temporary needs, making it a bridge between self-interest and deeper connections.

4. Karma and Consequences

In Hindu philosophy, every action has consequences. Using people solely for our gain can accumulate negative karma, impacting us in unseen ways. Actions rooted in selfishness or disregard for others' well-being can lead to undesirable outcomes in the future. Embracing this awareness helps us act with consideration and empathy, knowing that our actions will eventually reflect upon us.

5. Spiritual Detachment

This idea of utility connects with the Hindu concept of vairagya, or spiritual detachment. Detachment doesn’t mean rejecting help or connections; instead, it promotes viewing relationships with clarity and respect. Wise individuals understand the difference between fulfilling needs and attaching their worth to temporary gains. Practicing detachment allows us to appreciate support without clinging to people or outcomes, fostering genuine connections.

6. The Boat Metaphor

The boat metaphor in this saying illustrates how people sometimes discard what they no longer need. Just as one leaves behind a boat after crossing a river, people often overlook the support that helped them reach their goals. This metaphor reminds us that while support might be temporary, respect should be continuous, acknowledging the value of every person and every effort that has played a role in our journey.

7. Long-Lasting Relationships vs. Transactional Ones

Lasting relationships are built on mutual trust and respect, unlike transactional ones that only exist out of convenience. Long-term connections offer stability, support, and true companionship, while temporary alliances lack depth. Embracing genuine, long-lasting relationships over transactional ones brings more fulfillment and helps build a network that extends beyond personal gain.

8. Lessons from the Sayings of Hindu Scriptures

Our scriptures provide similar wisdom about balancing relationships and goals. They teach that true fulfillment comes not from using others for our benefit but from treating them with kindness and reverence. Kritajnata (gratitude) is a quality highly appreciated in our culture.

9. Application in Modern Life

In our fast-paced world, this ancient wisdom remains relevant. Whether in the workplace, social gatherings, or friendships, people often prioritize goals over genuine connections. This tendency affects the quality of our interactions, sometimes creating superficial relationships. Recognizing this pattern and choosing meaningful connections over temporary utility can bring more depth and satisfaction to modern life.

10. Respect and Integrity

Ultimately, showing respect and integrity, even after our goals are achieved, builds trust. It reflects a character that values people beyond their usefulness, fostering a good reputation and strong connections. Integrity and respect ensure that our interactions are genuine, making people feel valued and strengthening the bonds we create.

Knowledge Bank

Who was Adrika?

Adrika was a fish and Satyavati's mother. She was originally an apsaras and became a fish as cursed by Brahma. She was living in a river on earth. King Vasu also known as Uparichara was once in a distant forest. While thinking about his newly wed wife, his semen came out. He sent it to the queen for conceiving through a falcon. As the falcon was flying over the river where Adrika was, it was attacked by another falcon. The semen fell in the river. It was swallowed by Adrika and she became pregnant. The fishermen caught her later and when they cut her open, found a boy and girl inside. Adrika went back to Swarga.

What is the significance of Chembai Vaidyanatha Bhagavatar's connection with Guruvayurappan?

Chembai's life was deeply intertwined with his spiritual devotion to Guruvayurappan. It involves a miraculous cure through his devotion and the initiation of an annual tradition of performing at Guruvayur.This connection with Guruvayurappan went beyond his musical career, shaping his personal and artistic journey, and left a lasting impact on his legacy.